Minor Holidays in June and How to Celebrate Them, Part Two
A complete guide to celebrating the minor holidays of late June from fairy hunting to mud survival to fearing the even meatier.
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We return now to the minor holidays of June, already in progress. In the last column, we discussed the celebrations and dire remembrances of the first half of the month. It is highly recommended that if you have not read the previous list, you do so now before continuing. Here we will finish out days 16 through 30.
Side note: If you ever need to remember how many days are in a particular month, cast your mind back to the helpful childhood rhyme:
”30 days hath September and also hath April and similarly hath June but not February which sometimes hath 29, but yes, of course, not May, but November. All the rest, such as July, have 31.”
June 16th - Take Your Cat to Work Day
If there’s one thing every workplace needs, it’s animals. Every time one goes into a grocery store or a doctor’s office, it’s hard not to think “I sure wish there was a perpetually shedding, inconsiderate creature in here.” Well, Take Your Cat to Work Day is the answer! From Governor’s Mansions to organ transplant labs, on this day it’s appropriate to bring something that regularly has its own poo between its toes anywhere you want!
Celebration attire: Long sleeves to cover scratches, and pants with your cat’s face printed on them in a pattern
Proper greeting on this day: “ACHOO!”
June 17th - National Olive Day (No Longer Observed)
We’re not allowed to talk about this one under penalty of prosecution.
Celebration attire: Regular clothes
Proper greeting on this day: “Hello. How are you?”
June 18th - Clean Your Aquarium Day
Some holidays are more niche than others, including this one, in which merfolk, fishpeople, and lobsterfellows are encouraged to squeegee the glass enclosures in which they live, carefully replace the water, and replace any of the pebbles at the bottom that are too algaefied with new ones. For airbreathers, this is a chance to learn about and understand the cultures and ways of the underwater dwellers.
Celebration attire: Scales, shimmering cloth, fluffy claw mitts
Proper greeting on this day: “May Neptune smile upon you.”
June 19th - National Flip Flop Day
Referred to in Australia as “Thong Day,” the United States has chosen to rename the celebration “Flip Flop Day” as a result of some unpleasant and revealing celebratory confusion. On this day, it is appropriate to wear flip flops on both feet as well as both hands and, if your balance is solid enough, as a hat. One important note is that the luck of this day is contingent on consistency, so it’s best to wear the same flip flops every year. If possible, wear these flip flops in the months leading up to and after the celebration day in order to mash as much of your foot essence into them as possible. This is referred to professionally as “seasoning.”
Celebration attire: As many well-used flip flops as possible
Proper greeting on this day: “Hey, what’s that smell?”
June 20th - Ugliest Dog Day
The world is obsessed with beauty and the pursuit of physical perfection, especially when it comes to our pets. Nowhere is this more evident than the Westminster Dog Show, an annual event that’s accidentally viewed by millions of people every year who are too busy cooking turkey, mashed potatoes, and corgi stuffing to change the channel after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. This is a competition in which dozens of dogs are injected with Botox and fillers and trotted out to win the prize for Dog of The Year if they can get past the swimsuit and talent portions. But June 20th flips the script and recognizes the hmost terrible-looking dogs in the world in the hopes that people will look past their pus-laden eyes, inverted noses, and snaggly teeth to their passable demeanors and adopt them.
Celebration attire: Blindfold
Proper greeting on this day: “It has such a great personality!”
June 21st - Go Skateboarding Day
Begun in the 1980s, during the heyday of skateboarding corporate mascots, Go Skateboarding Day recognizes the ridiculous impact that skate culture had on marketing throughout that decade. Whether it was Chef Boyardee doing sick flips and slides or the Quaker Oats Quaker doing a 360 heelflip into an inverted ollie off a church steeple, no mascot was untouched. Some skateboarding mascots were created just to cash in on the trend, such as Nabisco’s “Kickflip Chocolate Chip Carl” or Jonesworth Funeral Home’s “Grind Reaper.”
Celebration attire: Gilded skateboard and padding
Proper greeting on this day: “Gnarly shred, brah!”
June 22nd - National HVAC Tech Day
Because we often only tend to appreciate the HVAC techs in our lives once the heating or air conditioning isn’t working properly, this day was established to make sure that our coverall-clad brothers and sisters get their due on a regular cadence. Did you know that the first HVAC system was developed in 1902? And that most apartment buildings still have systems that were installed around that time? The best way to commemorate HVAC techs is to leave them snacks in the ductwork around your home. Make sure the offerings are extra pungent so they’re easier to find! Suggestions include fish, exotic cheeses, and durians.
Celebration attire: Sequined coveralls, paper booties over your shoes
Proper greeting on this day: “Hot enough for ya?”
June 23rd - National Hydration Day
The United States National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine recommends everyone consume about 12–15 cups of water per day in order to stay properly hydrated. But who has that kind of time? National Hydration Day was created to be a one-stop shop for your annual hydration needs. By drinking 5,475 cups of water (about 342 gallons) within this 24-hour period, you can skip water for the entire rest of the year!
Celebration attire: Back-mounted water dispenser, bottle holsters
Proper greeting on this day: “Glug glug glug glug glug.”
June 24th - International Fairy Day
While some engage in it all year long, this day is dedicated to the art of hunting, capturing, and devouring fairies. All fairies, from woodland to tooth, are fair game. Fairies themselves are not particularly delicious, but they are mostly nuisances who are often known to come into our homes to take our face bones or make circles with mushrooms that are kind of hard to mow around.
Celebration attire: Giant net, glittery wings
Proper greeting on this day: “Time for a fairy tale ending!”
June 25th - Global Beatles Day
On June 25, 1967, the British rock and roll band The Beatles performed on the BBC show Our World, presenting their unique sound to an international audience for the first time. Over the years, dozens of people have delighted in the sounds of the “Lads from Liverpool” and they’ve proven time and time again that it’s possible to make a great pop song while dressed as anything from Chairman Mao to a stoned drum major. We take this day to celebrate Jom Lemmon, Brango “Frudge” Starrr, Jorge Jarrison, and Paul McCartney Mark 2. Way to go, lads!
Celebration attire: Mop top haircut, signed photos
Proper greeting on this day: “I’m chuffed to bits, innit?”
June 26th - National Food Truck Day
This day is used to celebrate food trucks and their unique history as well as to look into the future of mobile cuisine. Did you know that the first food truck was an accident? A semi hauling cuts of beef broke down on the side of the road. As this was pre-refrigeration, the driver was concerned that repair would not be possible in time to keep the meat from spoiling. To save the day, he started ripping handfuls of meat off of the carcasses and selling them to passing children (which also prompted July’s Salmonella and E. coli Celebration Day). Now you can get just about any type of food from a truck, from street tacos to fusion sushi to personal pizza to handfuls of scallops. The next step for the food truck biz? Food Monster Trucks. It’s going to be so awesome.
Celebration attire: Hair net, nitrile gloves, apron
Proper greeting on this day: “Please don’t put ketchup on that.”
June 27th - National Bingo Day
There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name, oh. We celebrate neither the farmer nor his agrarian contributions to society, but instead his dog, who is only famous for having a singable name. Despite centuries of research, little is known about the dog itself aside from the fact that he was likely British (but not a corgi) and he belonged to a farmer whose name has been lost to time and disinterest.
Celebration attire: Overalls, wheat stalk between teeth
Proper greeting on this day: “B-I-N-G-O!”
June 28th - National Tapioca Day
Whether in pudding form or as part of a trendy boba order, tapioca is objectively super gross. This celebration is an awareness day to ensure everyone knows how slimy and disgusting tapioca is. “But it has such a fun texture!” No. It has a disgusting texture that combines the worst aspects of okra and snot. “But it’s gluten-free!” Yeah, well, so is tree bark. Are you going to eat tree bark?
Celebration attire: Portable garbage can for tapioca disposal
Proper greeting on this day: “Is this tapioca in my boba or is it slugs? No way to know!”
June 29th - International Mud Day
On this terrifying day, it’s important to remember that not only is mud sentient, but it’s one of the most prevalent and hardest-to-kill entities on our planet. While fire can harden mud and return it to its docile form, dirt, that is only a temporary solution. At this time, there is no truly effective method for mud destruction, only the ability to keep it at bay with towels and hoses. While mud has yet to make a direct attack on the human race, it’s only a matter of time.
Celebration attire: Wetsuit, pressure washer
Proper greeting on this day: “Dirt never hurt, but mud yearns for blood.”
June 30th - National Meteor Watch Day
The first National Meteor Watch Day occurred in 66,000,000 BCE a few weeks after the Chicxulub asteroid hit what is now called the Yucatán Peninsula in Mexico (at the time it was called “grunt grunt squeal noise hiss,” which roughly translates to “big trees pretty”). Because there was no word for “asteroid” at the time and because many of the surviving species were carnivores, Chicxulub was referred to as “the big meat” which, because dinosaurs are dumb, caused them to fear an event that was “even meatier,” which became “meteor.”
Celebration attire: Meteor costume made of pelts
Proper greeting on this day: “BEWARE THE EVEN MEATIER”
